


Cold Hands & Warm Hearts

by flash0flight



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, cybernetic feelings, stevebucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-06
Updated: 2013-05-06
Packaged: 2017-12-10 14:14:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/786966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flash0flight/pseuds/flash0flight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Bucky is overly worried about Steve’s reaction to his cybernetic arm, and Steve wants nothing more than to prove to Bucky it’s okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold Hands & Warm Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little thing that tends to get to Jackie aka my Bucky when it comes to shipping him with people. This is one of those things I didn't know I shipped until it was too late.

Sparring with Bucky is nothing like it used to be. Back before the experiment, Steve was small and frail, his punches held hardly any force, and it was all Bucky could do to teach him how to take a hit without something breaking. After the serum, though, it was entirely different. Steve had trained so much, teaching himself more martial arts than anyone should pick up in such a short amount of time, combining them all so well to create his own form of fighting, that it was hard to find anyone who could hold up against him in a practice. And, of course, Bucky had tried anyway, and he’d gotten his ass handed to him anyway. And he’d stood up and tried again anyway, just so Steve could have someone treat him like he was still a dumb kid from Brooklyn.

Things have changed so much now, though. In more ways than one.

On one hand, Steve still has the same strength, the same speed, the same agility and instincts the serum have given him. He’s still more than proficient in hand to hand combat, and he still has the supersoldier advantages behind him. But Bucky’s got his own edge, too. Trained to the limits of a human being by the Soviets, Bucky can now match up to Steve’s own fighting style, even if beating him is still difficult. It’s a whole new experience for Steve. Different to sparring with Natasha, but still familiar. Not because they had the same training - or more specifically, because Bucky had trained her to begin with - but because it’s Bucky. So much about him is so different, and yet so familiar.

It’s that thought that distracts Steve for the slightest moment, and Bucky uses that to his advantage, sending Steve crashing to the ground, landing heavily on his back while Bucky pins him down. One hand, the one that’s flesh and blood and bone, is pressed against Steve’s throat - not in a threatening way, but just to assert that yes, Bucky has in fact won for once - while the other, the cold metallic cybernetic one, is holding down one of Steve’s arms, fingers wrapped tightly around his wrist, pinning it down to the mat.

“ Been training behind my back? “ Steve asks a little breathlessly, a grin curling his lips to match that on Bucky’s face.

“ Practicing. Wanted to surprise you. “ Bucky chuckles as he moves his arm away from Steve’s neck, and for a second the blond thinks he’s going to take Steve’s other hand - because that’s the direction most of their sparring sessions seem to head in - but Steve sees something shift in those brown eyes, something alarmed and worried. Something that seems a little scared.

“ Hey-- Bucky--? “ Steve begins to ask, but before he can get out a full question, Bucky’s already on his feet, rubbing his right wrist with his left hand in an anxious gesture, one Steve’s picked up on whenever something seems to nudge Bucky over the edge a little. “ What is it? “

“ Nothing, sorry, I was just-- “ Bucky shakes his head and turns his back to Steve, making his way for the elevator. “ I just gotta do something, I’ll stop by your floor later. “

Steve wants to believe him, but there’s something in Bucky’s tone that’s different, something that pulls the corners of his lips into a frown and makes him want to pull Bucky back, to hold him and remind him he’s not alone anymore. They’ve both seen hell and more, separately and together, and Steve knows as well as Bucky does that sometimes, it’s hard to remember they have each other. It’s hard to remember they’re not out on their own anymore, that they have something to hold onto, something they can lean on.

That doesn’t make it any easier for Steve when Bucky forgets, though. Just like he knows it’s not easy for Bucky when Steve forgets.

“ Alright, just-- don’t be late, alright? “ Steve sighs as he reaches for a cloth to wipe his face clear of sweat, frowning a little at the wave Bucky offers him over his shoulder as he steps into the elevator. As Bucky turns, Steve catches sight of a somewhat sad smile, and he notes that Bucky’s now gripping onto his left wrist instead of his right.

They’ve got to do something about this. And soon.

\--

“ You’re late. “

“ Kinda hard for me to keep track of time, you know. “

“ Nuh uh, you don’t get to pull the time travel card, you used it last. “

“ Damnit. “

Steve chuckles and settles back against his pillows as Bucky sits himself down on the edge of the bed, tugging his dog tags over his head and setting them down on the nightstand. The moonlight reflects off the surface a little, and Steve finds himself caught in them, in the memory of everything they stand for, before he feels Bucky shift on the bed, laying down beside Steve with his back to Steve’s side, his shoulder nestled safely under Steve’s arm, and it’s automatic for Steve to curl his arm around Bucky’s chest, his hand coming to rest on Bucky’s left shoulder.

For the briefest moment, Bucky’s entire body tenses, and Steve is about to say something. But it’s gone as quickly as it had come. Not without a reaction, though; Bucky reaches for Steve’s hand with his right and draws it away from his shoulder, tangling their fingers together on the surface of the bed instead.

Steve wants to ask. More than anything, he wants to know why it bothers Bucky so much. Why he hates Steve so much as looking at his cybernetic appendage, let alone touching it. But he can’t. He doesn’t know what it holds, why it would change anything. Why Bucky thinks it could make a difference. And the last thing he’s about to do is ask and make things worse, not when he doesn’t know how Bucky will take the question to begin with.

“ M’here, okay? “ Steve murmurs as he presses a kiss to the back of Bucky’s neck, and another into his hair, not at all disheartened by the way Bucky’s breath catches in his throat. “ I know I wasn’t for.. A long time. But I am now. “

“ I know, Steve. I know. “ Steve can hear the weight, the exhaustion in Bucky’s voice, and he wishes he could make this is better, wishes he could undo what’s been done, take away the hurts they’ve both had to endure. Not for the first time, Steve wishes Bucky still had his own arm. Not because the cybernetic limb bothers Steve, but because he knows it bothers Bucky. Because he sees the weight of it’s existence in Bucky’s eyes every time Steve comes in contact with it. “ I’m okay, alright? I would’ve told you otherwise. “

Not strictly true, Steve knows. They both have a ridiculous habit of keeping things close to their hearts to avoid burdening the other. Forces of habit from their needs to protect each other, it seems. They’re working through it, wearing down old habits, but it’s all a work in progress.

“ I know. I trust you. “ He sighs softly, watching his breath ruffle Bucky’s hair, and he feels Bucky squirm back against him a little bit until he settles, their bodies fitting together like puzzle pieces, and like that they fall asleep listening to each other’s breaths, each other’s heartbeats.

\--

It’s dark when Steve wakes up, jolting on the surface of the bed, his arms automatically moving to tighten around Bucky as a reaction to a nightmare-- but Bucky’s not there. His eyes fly open in a panic, scanning the room quickly, and his eyes adjust to the dim light without a problem, and Steve catches sight of him by the window. And for a moment, it seems normal; they both have so much trouble sleeping that it’s not unusual for one to wake up and the other is already out of bed. But when Steve catches sight of Bucky’s hand covering his left shoulder, just where he knows the arm joins up with the rest of his body, he can’t help the deep frown that spreads across his face.

“ Bucky? Another nightmare? “ Steve asks groggily, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, and he almost misses the slight shake of his head Bucky offers in return. Raising an eyebrow in concern, Steve slides out of bed, scratching absently at the back of his head as he makes his way over to the window, reaching out for Bucky’s empty hand. His fingers have hardly brushed the metallic surface, though, when Bucky flinches away.

“ Don’t-- don’t touch it, Steve. “ The murmur comes out in the most broken voice Steve can imagine, and it threatens to crack his heart in two. He doesn’t reach for it again, instead moving to take Bucky’s other hand, pulling him away from the window and turning him around, leaning closer to look Bucky in the eye.

“ It’s you, Buck. It’s a part of you. “ Steve tells him softly as he presses their foreheads together, and with slow, careful movements, he raises his other hand to rest on Bucky’s shoulder, still holding his right hand so he can’t move away. Bucky’s whole body stiffens though, his eyes suddenly wide with shock.

“ It’s-- I don’t wanna hurt you or.. It’s not me. It’s not-- “ Bucky cuts off and breaks their contact, hanging his head with a sigh. Steve watches him for a moment before letting go of his hand, lifting his chin up instead so he can press a kiss to Bucky’s forehead.

“ You didn’t have it before, so what? “ He whispers softly, moving to kiss Bucky’s cheek, his nose, his closed eyelids. “ It’s a part of you. It’s your arm, your hand, your fingers. “ And as if on cue, he slides his hand down to Bucky’s, lifting it to his lips and kissing Bucky’s metallic fingers, not letting go even as Bucky freezes from surprise.

“ Stop-- hey, c’mon, you don’t have to-- “ Bucky begins as he drops his head onto Steve’s shoulder, and Steve can hear the exhaustion in his voice clear as day. With a small sigh, he drops Bucky’s hand and wraps his arms around the brunette, holding him close and dropping kisses into his hair.

“ I want to. I don’t care what it’s made of. It’s part of you, and it always will be, and that’s fine by me. Nothing’s gonna change that. “ Steve assures him with quiet words, soft and reassuring as they stand there by the window. And for a while, they fall into silence, Steve simply holding Bucky while Bucky wraps his arms around Steve’s waist, as though somehow he’s worried Steve and all of his softly spoken words will walk away.

But walking away is the last thing on Steve’s mind. He’s lost Bucky once. He’s not gonna lose him again. Especially not over something like this, something that makes no difference to who Bucky is, to who they are together. And however long it takes, Steve will help him understand that he’s not going anywhere. That they have all the time in the world together now, all the time to find everything they both lost. All the time to do it together. Starting with this.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [that was then (and we are now)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/787707) by [girl0nfire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl0nfire/pseuds/girl0nfire)




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